30. On Work + Life as a Breadwinning Woman with Bethanie Baynes

Overview

Today I’m joined by Bethanie Baynes, a tireless women’s advocate and recognized leader on the topic of breadwinning women and host of the podcast, “Working Wife, Happy Life.” A proud breadwinning woman herself, Bethanie has created awareness, built community, and provided resources for women who are the sole or primary earners for their households.

In this conversation, we dive into what it means to be a breadwinner and how societal constructs limit women in not seeing themselves in this role. We explore the question of “how to manage it all” (or not!), and Bethanie passes on some great advice on how to set boundaries and signal to people how we can best be utilized both at work and at home. Importantly, she reminds us of the power in giving ourselves and others grace. And given Bethanie’s own experience and leading a community of 3,000 breadwinning women at Google, she offers tips on how to navigate bucking societal norms in taking on different roles within a household and encourages us to lean into resistance and difficult conversations.

I loved having you on, Bethanie! Such great wisdom to share with all of us. And thank you for all you do to break down societal constructs to help women AND men step into the roles that are most powerful for them and support them in building fulfilling lives on their terms.

More about Our Guest

Bethanie Baynes is a tireless women’s advocate and recognized leader on the topic of breadwinning women. Breadwinning women are a growing segment of our society with a multitude of unique circumstances, both inside and outside the home. To date, this has been a silent community that she is passionate about giving a voice to. As a proud breadwinning woman herself, Bethanie was shocked at the lack of in-depth and engaging resources, as well as the general negative sentiment surrounding this role. Over the past several years, she’s embarked on a journey to shed a positive and motivating light on the complexities of this role. In doing so, she’s creating awareness, building community, and providing resources for women who are the sole or primary earners for their households. This includes being the host of the podcast, “Working Wife, Happy Life,” which I encourage you to check out. And, BTW, while this is our focus today, as I noted Bethanie is a breadwinner herself with a full-time job in addition to this amazing work.

Topics Covered

  • We start by hearing about Bethanie’s career journey, one that at this point spans 17+ years at Google. You’ll hear later in the podcast how she wasn’t on a path towards business, but this is where she’s landed and the company has given her opportunities over the course of her career to grow and have new experiences.

  • We learn how Bethanie first became the primary breadwinner in her family and then became the sole breadwinner 9 years ago.

  • We dig into the terms “breadwinner” and “earner” and how societal norms shape how we view these roles for both men and women. Bethanie digs into how it impacts how women, in particular, think about their financial future and financial literacy. She shares tips on how to think about financial literacy, resources available for women, and encourages women to find the resources that speak to you in the way you deserve.

  • Bethanie debunks the misconception that men are always the primary wage earner in households. Women are the primary wage earner in many homes in the U.S. ( data over the years has hovered around ~40%+).

  • Bethanie encourages us to take agency of our own lives and our own goals and allow ourselves to buck societal norms that have been put in place for us. Take control and define success for yourself.

  • How can women think about their career path? Is it about leaning in? Bethany shares a powerful and simple, yet not easy to always execute, construct to take back control by getting clear on what you are going to say yes to and no to in order to shape the kind of life you want to create. Understand where you can create the most value and best be utilized vs. trying to do it all. Bethanie admits this takes practice and her ability to pull it off has been different over the course of her career and level of confidence, experience, and seniority.

  • Bethanie shares how none of us have it all figured out and encourages us to work through difficult conversations and/or the resistance one might face when setting boundaries at work and at home.

  • She graciously opens up about her own ambitions and how those have evolved over time. She encourages us to understand that it can ebb and flow over time, as we say here at Sustainable Ambition. A few key takeaways: be realistic about what work can offer to you, don’t expect it to be perfect all the time, accept and embrace that there are times where you might want to over-invest time in exciting projects at work, seek fulfillment not just at work but in other aspects of your life, and don’t think it has to look one way.

  • What have Bethanie and her husband learned having been in these “reverse” roles, which is a societal misnomer truth be told. Bethanie talks to us about the importance of language and terms. She shares that she’s thought a lot about the term “provider” and how there are so many provisions that make a household run (e.g., food, childcare, income). Think about where each person feels the roles and provides the provisions that they most enjoy and can add value. To help you both get comfortable, talk about it as partners about what language you want to use, and lean into the sticky conversations amongst yourselves and then with others outside your immediate family.

  • A final piece of advice to live with more Sustainable Ambition? Give yourself and others some grace. In Bethanie’s words: “This is all very hard. None of us have it figured out.... I always joke when people would say, ’how do you do it all?’ And I’m like: It’s so ridiculous, right? None of us have this figured out. But as long as we find those moments to be graceful with ourselves and others, it’s just a more enjoyable ride.”

Resources Mentioned

Find Bethanie:

Resources Bethanie mentions:

For other financial literacy services for women, I'll point you towards Smart Sister Finance and the good work Bridget Jones is doing there. Listen to Bridget on Episode #14.

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30. On Work + Life as a Breadwinning Woman with Bethanie Baynes

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2021Kathy OnetoRight Aspiration, Right Effort, Right Success