Sustainable Ambition Forum - 9.26.23
Designing Our Goals & Ambitions for a Better Life
Do you ever geek out on something? I mean—get really into it and naturally invest a lot of time going deeper? When you do, I suggest paying attention and making note. Oftentimes we may not think we know where we want to put focus and energy, but when we’re geeking out, it’s a clue. Perhaps that is obvious, but oftentimes we dismiss such things. There are more clues around what we are interested in and what we care about than we realize.
This past month on the podcast I featured two interviews with academics where I admittedly geeked out. These are two accomplished women whose work I admire and is work that has had a significant influence on me and my thinking around Sustainable Ambition. I was so honored that they both were willing to be in conversation with me to… geeking out, for sure!
Why is their work of interest? Because they both speak about how we can shape our goals and ambitions in a way that is motivating to us personally, supports our well-being, and helps us craft the life we want. Essentially, how can we design and orchestrate our goals and ambitions for a better life?
I’ll introduce them here and also share their books and episodes below:
Dr. Ayelet Fishbach is an award-winning psychologist who is an expert on motivation and decision making. A few of my favorite lessons from our conversation:
✨The idea of “losing our motivation” is one that Ayelet finds interesting. She would say that you never had motivation to lose; rather, you need to do something about it. See, we have more agency around our motivation than we realize, and we can design our goals in a way to motivate us and pull us toward what we want.
✨We can motivate ourselves by putting a lot on our plates, and we are overly optimistic about all we can do. Ayelet said around this, “You were too ambitious in order to motivate yourself. It's not really that important to do everything that you put on your plate. You were just trying to do a lot.” I love this insight! Yes, we wanted to do a lot, AND it’s okay to not do it all.
Dr. Valerie Tiberius is a professor of philosophy and her work explores the ways in which philosophy and psychology contribute to the study of well-being and virtue.
✨A favorite insight from this conversation: We can experience well-being by going after goals that are tied to our values, that fit us as individuals, and that fit together well and fit well over time. And, it pays to learn to better navigate conflict across our goals to reduce our frustration and increase fulfillment. One strategy around this is goal reinterpretation.
While I learned a lot from both of them, the number one thing I left the conversations thinking was that our goal pursuit and our fulfillment would benefit from being kinder to ourselves. There was a moment in each of the conversations where both of these researchers who study human behavior kind of chuckled. I took away that it’s helpful to remember that we are human and that at times we need to let ourselves off the hook. Like… that our natural behaviors lead us to over-commit. Or, that sometimes we just can’t change a part of ourselves. So, it’s helpful and perfectly fine to accept ourselves as we are. “That’s just me.” These two stellar academics were kind of saying, “Just don’t take yourself too seriously,” and “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
I think these are worthy reminders as we step into this last quarter of the year—both that we can design our goals and ambitions for wellness and for our desired experience, AND we can go easier on ourselves and have a good chuckle about it along the way.
So as you look to this last quarter of the year:
What do you want to design for yourself? What do you want to pull yourself toward?
Where might you be experiencing conflict? Where can you resolve it perhaps by reinterpreting a goal to create more ease and fulfillment?
And remember to go easy on yourself, let it be okay to not do it all, and have a good laugh along the way.
Wishing you all a beautiful Fall!
Warmly,
Kathy
Founder of Sustainable Ambition
The Monthly Round-Up: You+Life+Work
📚 Reading: Featured Books from our Guests
GET IT DONE: Surprising Lessons from the Science of Motivation, by Dr. Ayelet Fisbach: An accessible read for tips on how to pull yourself toward what you want in life and work. Learn more here.
What Do You Want out of Life?: A Philosophical Guide to Figuring Out What Matters, by Dr. Valerie Tiberius: Strong rationale as to why to root our goals in our values and how to navigate goal conflict to reduce frustration and up fulfilllment. Learn more here.
🎙️ Listening: There are unexpected lessons in this Fresh Air interview with Billy Crudup. I love him in The Morning Show, so was curious to hear what he had to say. What caught my ear: even he can have anxiety attacks at his level of success in acting; he embraces continuous learning; we are like playing characters in a story where we don’t know where the story is going; the benefit and wisdom of having a steady gig that gives one the freedom for creative projects, and more. BTW: Did you know he has been the voice of the iconic Mastercard commercials (for everything else, there's Mastercard)? Who knew?!
🎥 Watching: I finally watched Dr. Brian Little’s TED Talk, another academic who is inspiring my Sustainable Ambition work, and I’m digging into his book, Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being. All these academics I’m referencing in this newsletter explore this intersection of who we are, our goals and ambitions, and how they contribute to being happy, fulfilled, and leading a good life. Brian Little’s focus is on understanding our personality, embracing who we are, and aligning our life projects in ways that are sustainable and support our well-being. One thing I pull out from his talk and also from his book is the importance of taking rest periods, a sustaining act, after performing “out of character” in pursuit of our goals. And the main lesson: our personalities matter in forming our ambitions.
The Sustainable Ambition Podcast
Join me for conversations with experts, authors, and friends on what it means to live with Sustainable Ambition.
🎙️ E114: The Power of Designing Your Motivation and Ambition with Ayelet Fishbach
We have more agency around our motivation than we realize. How can we make choices about where we want to pull ourselves and how to create the circumstances that best support our efforts?
Listen on your favorite player here or on our website here
🎙️ E115: Values and Reducing Goal Conflict to Enhance Well-Being with Valerie Tiberius
We can craft our goals in ways that actually support our well-being, and we can reduce goal conflict and frustration to, in turn, increase our fulfillment.
Listen on your favorite player here or on our website here
You can also find the podcast, subscribe, and listen on Apple, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Overcast, and more. Get it here.
The Monthly Progress Practice
At the beginning of each year, we share our Monthly Progress Practice. Progress is made through small, consistent action. We offer a monthly practice of small actions or inquiries to inspire positive change this year. Practice makes progress.
Our guidance for September (and to take into October) — Act. Make regular progress on a meaningful goal by focusing close in. Take action on just the next step. In doing so, we’ll remain engaged and motivated along the way.
“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
— Albert Einstein