The Tides of Ambition
I’ve often talk with women who at various times in their career struggled with accepting the level of their ambition. Despite achieving career success, these women seesaw between two points of view. On the one hand, their minds say: “go for it,” “I want a big job,” “I want responsibility and to make an impact,” “I want to build my own thing,” “I’m ready for the next level,” or “I’m supposed to lean in.” Yet, their heart and body often say: “I want to put my energy towards my hobby,” “I’m tired,” “I want to take a break, relax and enjoy life for a bit,” “I just can’t push that hard right now,” or “I need to focus on my family at this critical stage.” It’s difficult to balance these conflicting sides of oneself, clouding one’s ambition. Am I ambitious in this moment, or am I not? What makes it more difficult is that it seems inappropriate to even ask this question.
These circumstances are especially true for women with children, in particular moms who still have young ones at home. Is it okay for them to not be as ambitious as their younger selves while they raise their children? Is it okay for them to take an “ambition step back” in the short term? While they want balance, they also know it won’t feel great to take a back seat—it runs against their grain.
Even though society acknowledges how hard Americans work in the modern era and sabbaticals have become more acceptable, it doesn’t seem acceptable for women—or men for that matter—to take a career sabbatical. One can feel like she’s inadvertently stepped off the fast track and fear future employers may define it in such a negative way. In the end, “taking a break” never truly feels acceptable, to ourselves or to the employer market.
Yet, this thinking needs to change. We and employers need to start accepting that career trajectories don’t need to follow a single, linear path and that “downtimes” are needed because of how hard we work today (i.e., significantly more hours than in decades past) and the necessity to balance other demands on our time (e.g., parents spend more time parenting today than in the past). We must start to shape alternative career paths and job roles to better balance work and life.
A new way to think about one’s career and pacing oneself over the decades is the concept of The Tides of Ambition. Ambition is like the ebbs and flows of tides—sometimes it’s in and sometimes it’s out. If we are honest with ourselves, there are times when we want to be all in, when we have deep commitment to our work and simply can’t say no to an opportunity. Yet there can also be the opposite, when we need or want to have the demands or interests in other aspects of our lives take precedent over work. In these moments, one needs to make a choice rather than continually beat themselves up over the weight of trying to do it all. Anne-Marie Slaughter, well-known for her article in The Atlantic, “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,” has talked about the idea of taking on or off ramps with regard to one’s career, which is similar in thinking. Aligned with when your ambition might be waning, you might need to ramp down, but keep your foot in the work world. And when that choice is made, it’s important to step into the decision and confidently own it.
The Insight: Our innate ambition is likely set—we are ambitious or we are not. Yet, ambition over one’s lifetime ebbs and flows. There are times when we are going to go for it, and there are times when we’ll need to take a break to either rest and rejuvenate or to prioritize another part of our lives (e.g., be a mom, to take care of aging parents). Let this be acceptable for yourself. Then, ask for what you need from your employer. Or, if you work for yourself, structure your work and life to give you the flexibility and balance you need and seek.