Sustainable Ambition Forum - 10.25.22
Knowing and stepping into ourselves is not easy but is foundational to Sustainable Ambition.
Yet given the conditioning we learn from cultural and familial structures and given today’s modern demands on our time, it’s easy to get wrapped up in daily living and doing and end up feeling like we have lost ourselves. When we pause to reflect, we realize we don’t know what we want, and, therefore, don’t know what action to take next.
As Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote in his seminal book Flow: “These seemingly easy questions are almost impossible to answer for someone who has lost touch with his own experience. If a (person) has not bothered to find out what he wants, if his attention is so wrapped up in external goals that he fails to notice his own feelings, then he cannot plan action meaningfully.”
So, there’s power in knowing who we are. It helps us know what we want, or at least a direction to head in, and plan and take meaningful action, stepping into who we are and are becoming.
As we move towards self-authorship and away from socialized norms, we need to know ourselves to guide us. When following the should becomes unsustainable, the answers lie in tuning into oneself. Ambitions become more sustainable when they are yours, rooted in what you want for yourself and who you want to become next.
In our round-up of podcast episodes below, we speak with wonderful guests who offer inspiration around knowing ourselves across three areas of Sustainable Ambition—Right Ambition, Right Time, Right Effort:
Right Ambition. As suggested above, a core aspect of a right ambition is making it yours, and to do that you need to know yourself. Self-reflection helps. Al Dea shares how his “default mode is self-reflection” and how it has “fueled a lot of [his] curiosity.” In our conversation, we delve deeper into the power of self-reflection, paying attention, and getting to know oneself to guide action. And you can always be learning more. I just took yet another assessment, and it unlocked new insight that is helping me progress in an area I had been blocked.
Right Time. Right time speaks to the idea of, “What is it time for now?” That could be needed to prioritize where to put your attention because we can’t do everything at once. It could also be knowing what work is calling to you now. In my conversation with Stephanie Movahhed, she shares how she has navigated her career and has paid attention to both what was calling her next and what she wanted to experience at different stages of her career like when she was at Google: “[Google delivered on] a lot of the things that I was looking for at that time like international travel and professional development. Also a lot of community.” And now, she’s crafted her career to really lean into this: “What I love about this phase of my career is that it's a portfolio of things. Every six months or every year, I could decide which ones I want to dial-up and which ones I might want to wind down.”
Right Effort. Right effort considers both aligning one’s effort to the ambition at hand and also identifying how you operate best. It’s like what Serena Williams said in a podcast episode with Meghan Markle: “I have to win being Serena.” When she tried to play a different game, she lost. Or, I loved how Jeffrey Shaw spoke about the self-employed life in our conversation together: “It’s rare for me that I fear burnout. And the reason it's rare for me is because I don't fight myself. I've always respected being self-employed. I see it as something to be really proud of, and I don't apologize for it. And I just kind of train the people around me to deal with my reality.”
Knowing yourself allows you to align to the ambitions that are right for you at the right time and apply your right effort. At this intersection lives Sustainable Ambition.
Inspired by our three guests, consider these three inquiries to step further into who you are:
What currently has your attention? If you pause to reflect on yourself around what has your attention, what are you curious about? Based on your inquiry, what next action might you take?
In your current work, what are you looking for from the experience? What do you want out of it? What’s one small action you can take to ensure you get that from the experience?
If you weren’t to fight yourself, what’s a way that you might like to get your work done? Where might you want to make a request to work better aligned to who you are? Where might you need to train others to know that is how you work best?
My hope for us all is to deepen our knowledge about ourselves and step further into who we are to make things a bit more sustainable. As David Brown said in E9, “There really isn’t a sustainable option other than to be yourself.”
Warmly,
Kathy Oneto
Founder of Sustainable Ambition
The Round-Up
Can we know ourselves? Ten scientific lessons to help us know ourselves better and understand that we are constantly changing and adapting to the changing context around us.
Who are you becoming? A reminder from David Brooks that knowing ourselves is a continual journey and that we often look outside ourselves to shape our narrative. Just as artists steal and get inspired, so do we. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.
Imbalance = growth. Adam Grant says to lean into forward momentum.
“Whose voice is this?” We all have an inner critic who is trying to protect us. Its voice isn’t all bad and can benefit us. Learn tips to live with and benefit from that inner voice.
Step into your own charisma. I appreciated the book, “Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication,” by Vanessa Van Edwards, which I read earlier this year as I stepped back into the post-pandemic world. I wanted to be reminded how I should show up to facilitate and command a room full of partners. It was a good reminder of just how much we can shape the narrative of how others view us. It doesn’t have to be fake. Find what works for you to strongly stand in your presence.
Do you want to bring your whole self to work? It’s an interesting quandary. Certainly, we want workplaces to be more inclusive of different ways of being and accepting of differences, yet should work be all things and provide all things to us? Perhaps this is a space that should be personally defined for what works best for you.
Let it go. Have you taken something personally? Here’s how to get past it.
A tour around the globe. Where are you from? Make a fun connection to a notable person from your hometown, area, or country.
The Podcast Player - (get the Spotify playlist here)
Craft your personal story. I loved this conversation between Greg McKeown and Dan Davis, founder of Stiry, on how to craft your own meaningful narrative.
Root life and work goals in your values. I really appreciated this Philosopher’s Zone podcast with Valerie Tiberius who's written the upcoming book, “What Do You Want Out of Life?: A Philosophical Guide to Figuring Out What Matters.” Learn about the benefits of value fulfillment theory and what to do when we are challenged by balancing conflicting values, which is a common part of life.
Look inside yourself. Hear from Scott Shute, the former Head of Mindfulness and Compassion at LinkedIn and the author of the book, “The Full Body Yes,” to learn tips on how to follow our own path vs. following the expectations of others.
Connect with your best parts. Another good listen from Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson on accepting, appreciating, and connecting with the good inside all of us.
The science of knowing ourselves. From Hidden Brain, a conversation with Psychologist Tim Wilson on simple ways to improve our self-knowledge.
Join me for conversations with experts, authors, and friends
on what it means to live with Sustainable Ambition.
Leaning into who you are. I loved each of these podcast conversations that brought forward this concept of self and honoring who we are. I hope you'll listen in!
E73: On Building Your Career Operating System with Al Dea
A core part of my conversation with Al focuses on the power of self-reflection and leaning into who we are, balanced with getting into action.
Listen on your favorite player here or on our website here
E77: On the Big, Bold Choice of The Self-Employed Life with Jeffrey Shaw
Jeffrey has so much wisdom to offer around self-employment. I love his perspective that self-employment is about choosing a different lifestyle and how it’s important to lean into self: “What burns us out is what we’re fighting against.”
Listen on your favorite player here or on our website here
E78: On Building a Values-Aligned Career and Life with Stephanie Movahhed
Stephanie is a role model for listening to self and has always been guided by what was important to her and her values, interests, and curiosities. She illustrates smart ways to de-risk career moves and make choices aligned with what’s calling you next.
Listen on your favorite player here or on our website here
You can also find the podcast, subscribe, and listen on Google Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Overcast, and more.
What motivates you at work?
Take the free SCARF Assessment by David Rock, author of “Your Brain at Work,” to learn what motivates you. These common motivators spell SCARF: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness.
Read more.
Take the assessment.
5 Questions to Create Your Own Rating Scale:
Where did your rating system come from? On a Being Well podcast episode, this is what Dr. Ronald Siegel asked, acknowledging that external rating scales often are unsustainable. How can you create your own more sustainable rating scale?
What is the scale you use to rate your personal fulfillment?
Where did that rating scale come from?
What if you were to re-architect your rating scale based on your values and what’s important to you?
What would fulfillment for you look like then?
What’s your new measurement system?
“Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job.”
—Jim Rohn
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SUSTAINABLE AMBITION™ IS ABOUT CRAFTING A FULFILLING CAREER TO SUPPORT YOUR LIFE FROM DECADE TO DECADE.
It is centered around articulating your personal definition of success and achieving that without burnout while honoring your personal aspirations and ambitions as they ebb and flow over time. The end game—more fulfillment and ease in your professional and personal life, while still being ambitious.
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