Sustainable Ambition Forum - 08.24.21
Hello everyone! Thank you for being here!
A theme of Sustainable Ambition has been on my mind of late. As I’ve done more research, a core principle continues to become more clear—to listen to your personal wants more than societal should’s.
I was listening to a podcast yesterday evening while out for a walk, and suddenly I heard this relevant statement from the book, “No Man is an Island,” by Thomas Merton: “Why do we spend our lives striving to be something that we would never want to be, if only we knew what we wanted? Why do we waste our time doing things which, if we only stopped to think about them, are just the opposite of what we were made for?”
Or as David Brown said in Episode #9 of The Sustainable Ambition Podcast, “There really isn’t a sustainable option other than to be yourself,” or as Lisa Lewis Miller said in Episode #11, “There’s an interesting paradox... You are the only person who can know what you want. So, this tension between feeling like we don’t know, but also being the only definitive source of information to answer this question is a really interesting place to be.”
So in this newsletter and with the content below, I encourage you to set goals and make choices for your life and career in alignment with what you want. Now that takes knowing what you want. And that does take some work. And realistically, we need to dance with societal norms, but my suggestion is not to let them call the shots. At some point, making decisions looking outward catches up with you, and you start to wonder whose life you are leading.
And, let it be a learning journey. I’ve started to realize looking at my own path, based on reading and research, and working with my coaching clients that societal guidance often does us a disservice. For example, take what I’m now dubbing the passion paralysis or the passion paradox—that searching for a passion doesn’t set the right goal, because many of us get in a trap of searching, searching, searching for that one singular passion to call our calling. Or, you may know your passion and turn it into your work only to find that it no longer is a passion as a job. It’s also unrealistic to expect that we should be able to identify our one and only path when we’re 16-20 years old. As Peter Drucker said, “But most people, especially highly gifted people, do not really know where they belong until they are well past their mid-twenties.”
The reality is for many of us it takes time to get to know ourselves. In truth, it may be why we lean on the should’s early in our careers, because it takes having experiences over time to unpack what we want from our work. That’s why it’s important to pay attention along the way. Because our satisfaction with our work and the structures we need from it change over time. Our careers are often learning journeys—what am I interested in next? How do I want to grow? What kind of job do I need right now to support my life? And we can only make one good decision at a time, as Mala Singh reminded us in Episode #15.
In what we feature below in our Round-Up, in the podcast with Bridget Jones, the Monthly Progress Practice, and the Quote, we provide inspiration to set your own path, lean into the journey of it all, and keep your long-term life goals on the horizon.
And in this moment, soak up the rest of your summer weeks until the Autumn Equinox next month. I encourage you to continue to enjoy a slower pace for a little while longer. I know that’s what I’m doing!
Be well, all!
Kathy Oneto
Founder of Sustainable Ambition
The Round-Up
The power of setting your own expectations. Psychology research has shown expectations can play a role in experiencing depression (e.g., when our experiences don’t match up with our expectations). So, imagine the power in defining your life according to your own expectations. Here’s a good interview with Devon Franklin on what it means to “live free” and let go of expectations that don’t serve you. I associate this to the concept of defining your own success (Right Success)—what would it look like to focus on the expectations you want to hold for yourself, rather than focus on the expectations of others?
It’s okay to take the path less taken. Right Aspiration suggests that there isn’t just one way to build a career and that a non-linear career path can be enriching, while admittedly challenging, too. Yet, you can define the work-life you want, not just follow the traditional path if it doesn’t suit you. Here’s one person’s account on why it worked for her and what she’s learned along the way.
What if you outgrow the life you wanted? This is a great article that reminds us that we are constantly learning about ourselves and that our wants, desires, and needs might shift over time. Give yourself permission to change and evolve who you want to become, what you want to do, and what you want for your life.
What might be your next act? Such a great story about how a now 93-year old woman after retirement went back to an old love, music, and found a new purpose and her second act, including writing a book about playing the cello. Her words of wisdom: “Do not be afraid to go back to something you loved,” and “Don't say no to yourself.” The article has other great insights to share.
How do you make big decisions? Another good listen from Dr. Rick Hanson and his son on their podcast offering different approaches to making life decisions, such as those that govern our careers and how we structure our work and life.
When you want it, don’t give up. Watch and be inspired by silver medalist skateboarder Rayssa Leal from Brazil. With practice, you’ll land it, too, and be ready to move on to your next trick or growth curve.
Pay attention to what surrounds you (inspiration!): Wow. So taken by the artist Sho Shibuya’s work and these paintings he created on the front covers of the NY Times. Beautiful. Touching. Capturing and chronicling the moment. Witnessing what is present. What is present for you right now?
The Sustainable Ambition Podcast - Episode 14
Join me for conversations with experts, authors, and friends on
what it means to live with Sustainable Ambition.
It was so great to speak with Bridget Jones, a finance coach and founder of Smart Sister Finance. I love all the insights in this conversation about how work and finances are intertwined in creating a sustainable life. We explore the importance of setting financial goals and tying those to your overall life goals - what are you working and saving for? We also talk about Bridget’s own career journey, why she had a goal of retiring before 50, and what surprised her most after she had downtime and recharged. I hope you’ll give it a listen.
Find it on Apple Podcast here
Or, listen on our website here
You can also find the podcast, subscribe, and listen on Google Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and Overcast.
An Inquiry:
What would my life look like if I was living wholeheartedly, with complete sincerity, honesty, and commitment? What would my work-life look like to be aligned with this vision?
Find Your Guide:
Find the perfect guide to match your journey.
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”
— Nelson Mandela
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SUSTAINABLE AMBITION™ IS ABOUT CRAFTING A FULFILLING CAREER TO SUPPORT YOUR LIFE FROM DECADE TO DECADE.
It is centered around articulating your personal definition of success and achieving that without burnout while honoring your personal aspirations and ambitions as they ebb and flow over time. The end game—more fulfillment and ease in your professional and personal life, while still being ambitious.
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