Self reflect and ask yourself questions to sustainably pursue what you really want
Two questions I often ask people tend to stump them: 1) What do you want? and 2) What’s your sustaining plan?
What I also mean is that it’s normal for this to be the case. It’s not always easy to know what we want, especially when we’re at an inflection point and seeking something different. Being in a state of uncertainty is the clue that something is up. And in not knowing, there are all kinds of possibilities.
I believe for sustainability it's important to redefine success in our lives around what is personally meaningful and motivates us to feel fulfilled and satisfied. This is as opposed to what tends to leave us unfulfilled: constantly achieving for external validation or seeking social approval from others. That means we need to be in inquiry to help us better understand what we want or may want now if something has shifted for us.
I also believe we should be able to pursue our ambitions without having to sacrifice our well-being in the process. To do that, I think it’s helpful to be more intentional around building our resilience and recognizing that as humans we are naturally built to use up our energy and then to restore it. Yes, we have our awake hours and when we sleep, but restoration goes beyond that. We also have to be mindful of how much effort we’re putting out and be mindful to invest in periods of recovery within a day and over time.
We don’t always allow ourselves time to contemplate and think about such things. And yet, self-reflection is critical for learning and allows us to create meaning of our experiences to drive future actions. We often start with finding conceptual answers before moving into experiential learning. Being self-reflective also allows us to be more conscious about our choices and how we craft our lives and work.
So I wanted to offer some questions for you to consider that relate to these themes inspired by a podcast guest from last year. Irena Smith was on with me in E112 to discuss her memoir, The Golden Ticket: A Life in College Admissions Essays, and I’m featuring her in my latest podcast episode of the summer book series out on Wednesday.
Having worked in college admissions and with kids applying to schools, Irena frames her story by answering college admissions essay questions. In reading her book, it struck me and I thought, “Isn’t it a bit crazy to ask such big questions of these young kids who have lived so little of their lives, many who barely know themselves at all? How could they possibly know what they want?!”
But we adults have lived enough. Yet, we rarely come back to ask ourselves such questions. And we should.
I would imagine most of you reading have lived long enough to be able to reflect and ask yourself such questions, to take back agency and be more conscious about what you want and how you want to design your life and work. If we never do, we're in danger of going on autopilot.
To tempt you to step into this, I’ve pulled out three of the college admission essay questions from the book. They’ll prompt you to think about: What is important to me? What is worth it? How can I be proactive to sustain myself?
Two ask bigger questions and the third is easier and just as important. This summer in slowing down and simplifying (per the last episode) perhaps you can find some space and time to contemplate for yourself:
To learn what is worth it: Many of us have at least one issue or passion that we care deeply about—a topic on which we would love to share our opinions and insights in hopes of sparking intense interest and continued conversation. If you had ten minutes and the attention of a million people, what would your talk be about? (From USC)
This one really got me to think, and I’m still thinking about it. If I had an audience of one million people to influence, what would I say? I think this question can help us to think about what really is important to us? What might be a call to action or purpose around which you’d like to have influence?
To learn what is worth the hard, challenging work: Respond to the following quotation in an essay of not more than 300 words: “Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather, achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted.” (From Amherst College)
I’ve been reading lately about embracing the dualities of life (meaning like life is made up of roses and thorns, beauty and hardship). Where might you be willing to put in the hard work to overcome challenges, because the personal reward is worth it?
To learn where you’ll choose sustainability, ease, and joy: We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it. (From MIT)
Yes! We need this. Do you have something you do just for the pleasure of it? There are lots of benefits to this. Research has found that active leisure (e.g., volunteering, connecting with others, exercise) as opposed to passive (e.g., watching television, relaxing) helps reduce people’s feelings of time stress and support overall life satisfaction. Play has been shown to help us flourish and support our well-being. Such activities can help take our mind off of work and help us recover. Summer is a perfect time to pick something up.
With a little bit of contemplation and self-reflection, you just might have more clarity about what you might want, what’s worth your effort, and how you can build resilience to sustain yourself as you pursue what’s most important to you.
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