Feel the Confidence
I’ve been wondering if women fear confidence and power. Are we just wired differently than men in this regard? Is it because we have lower testosterone levels? Some of us are called “a power woman.” Yet, many of us despite how competent we are have to play the “fake it till we make it” game just so in our own heads we can present confidence.
Why all the doubt? What in our brains makes us all so fearful of what that confidence portrays and then brings in terms of opportunity?
I’m realizing that one tremendous power in building a persona of confidence is how it draws people towards you. Have you ever listened to someone where she communicates her doubt and fear? That person isn’t someone you are drawn towards. Quite the opposite—one is usually repelled with a desire to steal away. Yet, when a person is in their zone and projects confidence and competence, one is attracted to that person and wants to follow them.
Simply, confidence is engaging. Anxiousness, negativity, and fear unfortunately are not.
There are a few simple things we can do to build our confidence muscles, and I’m sure there are many more ideas to consider. I’ll share just a few simple, but perhaps impactful, ideas.
First, I, like millions of others, love Amy Cuddy’s TED talk. Her research shows how a simple stance can help you feel more powerful. Despite recent controversies around the research, I still believe this act can be a powerful, mental tool to get one into the right frame of mind. Test it out for yourself.
Second, perhaps we can gain more confidence by employing a different way of thinking about our capabilities and our ability to learn. Carol Dweck, author of “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” is often quoted regarding her philosophy of having a growth mindset—that our capabilities and talent are not predetermined and fixed, but rather with hard work and perseverance we can grow and excel. While it’s often been associated with educating children and instilling confidence in their capabilities, I think the concept can be useful to women, as well. Instead of us thinking that we can’t do whatever it is we seem to think we can’t do, perhaps we need to reframe all the hard work we tend put into our activities. For example, “I can do it, because I know I’m going to work hard and practice at it. It’s not that I’m lacking. My hard work will get me there.”
Finally, consider these shifts in mindset:
- A humorously told, but freeing lesson from The School of Life—embrace the fact that we are all flawed and bound to fail. Doing so, can release the pressure to be perfect and unleash us to explore and experience with abandon.
- Or, in a similar vein, feel the liberation of accepting that you are good enough, an insight beautifully articulated by Krista O’Reilly Davi-Digui.
The Insight: Confidence is what is attractive and draws people to us. Practice projecting confidence, and trust that you’ll do the work to excel. Lowering the bar doesn’t hurt either! Accept your limitations, while embracing all you are.